he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
