omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
