I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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