Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
