I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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