I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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