Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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