I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sponge bath it is.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Randomize
