All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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