2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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