I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
