I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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