My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
