I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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