I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
