but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
