I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
