By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
