I need help removing her.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
