Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
