I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
