then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
