when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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