Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize