i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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