I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
