try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
