i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
