My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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