Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
