New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
