waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
