i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
