yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
