Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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