Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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