you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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