I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
