he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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