She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he thought i was a dude.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
