I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize