Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
