I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
