ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
3 2 1 whiskey
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
