i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize