My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
