I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
