You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dicks are not precious.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize