I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
