At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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