Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize