Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
