Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
