i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
