Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
