On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
