so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just had sex on a roof
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
