ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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