Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
