My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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