just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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