i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
