I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
