This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
