im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
