I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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