Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
