I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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