i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
