Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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