is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
