There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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