That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
