plz talk dirty to me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
