Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize