we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
