i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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