Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
